August 25, 2015

Deal With Your Anger


Anger usually considered a negative emotion that we should do our best to eliminate. It seemed an appropriate response to injustice, one that does little harm to oneself psychologically and very well may even be beneficial in that it motivates action to rights wrongs.  You can deal with anger in yourself. Not by ignoring or suppressing it.  Once anger rises past a certain point, it seems to require satisfactory expression to be diffused.

That is, it must be expelled in a way that feels good in a way that is literally emptying. How one does this depends on why the anger one feels is rising in the first place. First anger aimed at harming oneself. Depression is almost certainly the cause and should be identified and treated. Anger also aimed at achieving control. Ask yourself why you feel out of control. Fear is a common reason. Actually lacking control is another.

Anger is, fortunately or unfortunately, often a good strategy to regain control in the short-term, and easier to feel than many of the emotions that trigger it. Anger may arise for more than one of these reasons at one time. Then when you can deal with anger in yourself, you can diffuse anger in others. First of all you need to remain in control of yourself. When you find yourself on the receiving end of someone’s anger, they’re either trying to control you in some way or make you feel small so they can feel big.

You must tell yourself that anger is their strategy and has nothing to do with you at all, unless of course you really have committed an injustice against them, in which case you should make amends. Help them discharge their anger in a way that feels satisfying without causing harm. Responding to anger with anger rarely accomplishes anything positive, validate their anger.

Resisting a person’s anger, getting angry back at them, denying that their anger is justified all do nothing more than inflame it. Even if their anger isn’t justified in your mind, what would convincing them of that accomplish? It likely wouldn’t give them control over it. Feelings require no justification to be felt. Once you can manage the anger in yourself and others, you can deal with it anytime.

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